Although dating apps are still used by numbers of people, it’s common knowledge that dating app fatigue is real and singles are searching for ways to meet in person. This especially seems to be true since the death of conservative commentator Charlie Kirk, whose legacy is increasingly summarized by his advice to “get married and have kids.”
Yet with this (positive) push for young adults to make marriage and family a priority, there’s also evidence of an emerging frustration among singles who note that finding a good mate isn’t as easy as many married couples make it out to be. An example of this erupted on X recently, with one commentator explaining multiple reasons why solid, marriageable singles may be struggling to find “the one.”
In response, author and professor Christina Crenshaw wondered how married couples can help singles in the marriage quest.
“Should we make offline/ in person match making great again?” she asked.
In a word? Yes. But before we all run out there to randomly connect all the single ladies with the partnerless men we know, some nuance and words of caution are necessary. Gathered from my own experience and the insight of others discussing this topic online, here are five things to consider for the aspiring matchmaker—or just the average person who wants to see those they love live happily ever after!
The Social Norms of Yesteryear Are Gone
For those in older generations, it’s easy to wonder why young men don’t just go up to the girls they find attractive, ask them out on dates, and then pop the question with ring in hand shortly thereafter.
Sadly, life isn’t as straightforward and full of common sense as it once was. Even in the late 1980s, philosopher Allan Bloom, writing in “The Closing of the American Mind,” noticed that these courtship norms were evaporating, leaving young people floundering.
“Human beings can, of course, engage in sexual intercourse at any time,” he wrote. “But today there are none of the conventions invented by civilization to take the place of heat, to guide mating, and perhaps to channel it.
“Nobody is sure who is to make the advances, whether there are to be a pursuer and a pursued, what the event is to mean. They have to improvise, for roles are banned, and a man pays a high price for misjudging his partner’s attitude.”
Thus, in order to help younger people on the path toward marriage, the first step is for us to try to understand the current (moral-less) dating scene and its many pitfalls, rather than immediately guilt-tripping singles for their inability to easily date like past generations did.
Build Friendships With Single Adults
Married couples are understandably busy with their own families, and because of this lack of time, it’s easy to view single people as problems to fix rather than unique people to know. Yet this lack of knowledge is exactly what makes matchmaking an awkward situation for all involved.
However, if a married person will take time to get to know several single people, asking each genuinely about his work, his interests, and what he is looking for in a spouse, that married person will not only show the single individual that he is a person worth knowing and spending time with, but he will also have a better foundation on which to make connections between singles of the opposite sex.
This, in turn, creates a greater likelihood of success in matchmaking. After all, is matching two singles just because they’re unmarried and like Chinese food really the greatest foundation for a marriage? Common sense tells us no, but unfortunately, it’s superficial things like this upon which many of us base our matchmaking.
Take Age Into Consideration
Most of us see a single man and a single woman and automatically think that they can work together. However, what many don’t always consider is age. Just because that young woman in her late 30s is still single doesn’t mean that she would be interested in an unmarried man the age of her parents or, for that matter, a man a dozen years her junior. Both may be wonderful men, but if they don’t match her maturity level, setting them up with one another isn’t a well-thought-out match.
Practice Tactful Hospitality
It’s easy for any of us to only welcome to our homes those who are most like us. Yet if we want to help singles find one another, opening our homes to them—even if they don’t have children or grandchildren like us—can go a long way toward connecting them with other singles.
Invite a mixed crowd of married couples, kids, and singles to your home, and you’ve created a low-pressure situation in which all these demographics can interact, potentially leading to either boyfriend/girlfriend matches or, as mentioned earlier, opportunities for couples to learn about singles in order to better set them up with others later.
Create Spaces for Singles to Interact
Church picnics, community dances, and other civic-minded organizations were once prime places for singles to meet and mingle. Yet as our communities break down and we all grow more isolated, these spaces disappear as well, leaving young people sitting at home swiping left or right. Reviving some of these gatherings and making them normal once again will go a long way toward bringing couples together, even if it’s something as simple as hosting a regular bonfire at a farm or get-to-know-you games at a community center.
Marriage and family are foundational to restoring a solid society, yet it’s clear that many singles are struggling to even get a simple dating relationship off the ground. For those of us who want to see this scenario reverse course, a little careful, tactful matchmaking may be just what the doctor ordered.
