Is happiness just a matter of chance? Fortunately, the research suggests otherwise. Happiness will always retain an element of mystery—something we receive more than something we manufacture—but that doesn’t mean that we’re powerless to become happier. On the contrary, true happiness has a lot to do with what we choose, which means that it’s something we have some control over.
Happiness isn’t primarily a feeling (a category of our lives over which we have little control).
“Most people think of happiness as a feeling: something that arrives when conditions are right and fades when they’re not. But the last decade of psychological science tells a different story,” psychologist Mark Travers wrote in an article for Psychology Today. “Happiness isn’t primarily a mood state. It’s an output that emerges from the way your life is structured, the choices you make consistently and the environment you inhabit.”
People construct their lives primarily through habits. Here are 10 of them, backed by research, that promote happiness.
Nurture Close Relationships
The longest study on human happiness ever conducted, the Harvard Study of Adult Development, followed a generation of men for 80 years, starting in the 1930s, tracking all sorts of information about their lives and their physical and mental health. The study has since expanded to include some of the original generation’s children, as well as another cohort of men recruited in the 1970s from inner-city Boston.
The most significant takeaway from this massive study is that the strength of one’s relationships has the most significant impact on happiness and health of any single factor.
As The Harvard Gazette reported: “Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives, the study revealed. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes.”
This means that developing habits of connection with others is key to long-term fulfillment.
Push Past Small Talk
This habit relates to the previous one by emphasizing the importance of deep human connection. Small talk has its place, of course, but it should generally be used as a bridge to deeper subjects of conversation, subjects that sustain and intensify human relationships.
A 2010 study found that higher well-being was correlated with less small talk and more deep conversations. Of course, initiating deeper conversations isn’t always easy, which is why we’ve compiled two lists of questions to spark more substantive discussion with those you love.
Enjoy Regular, Small Pleasures
Life is made up of the little things, and seemingly insignificant pleasures sprinkled throughout the days and weeks can have an outsized impact on happiness. Simple activities such as sipping a cup of coffee or tea, taking a short walk on a pleasant day, enjoying a hobby, or planning a quick lunch date with someone you love can reduce stress and build resilience and, ultimately, happiness, according to research.
This isn’t to say that significant joys and accomplishments aren’t important for well-being, but they tend to overshadow the small, consistent joys that are woven into daily life. In fact, some studies show that consistent small joys have an even bigger cumulative impact on overall happiness than occasional large ones.
“The beauty of small moments is that they are accessible to everyone,” pediatric neuropsychologist Sam Goldstein wrote on his website. “By training ourselves to notice and appreciate these moments, we cultivate a habit of happiness that extends beyond external circumstances.”
Taking time to notice ordinary pleasures may help increase happiness and appreciation for daily life. (Hispanolistic/Getty Images)Seek Experiences Over Possessions
As a general rule, spending money on experiences delivers more happiness than spending money on things. This might be because experiences have a deeper psychological impact and we tend to relive and enjoy them repeatedly, and because experiences are usually social, which means that the experience facilitates a deepening of connection with others.
That said, not all enriching experiences are pleasant. Some experiences that ultimately enhance our well-being challenge us in the moment, according to research.
“A psychologically rich life is not necessarily easy or pleasant,” Travers wrote. “It is characterized by novelty, complexity, growth, and perspective-changing experiences. Experiences like travel, creative challenges, difficult learning and voluntary discomfort don’t always maximize immediate comfort, but they produce a life that, in retrospect, feels deep, varied and worth having lived.”
Making a habit of pursuing challenges and growing experiences can create a more vibrant life.
Seek Time Over Money
Ashley Whillans of Harvard Business School has extensively researched the fact that a sense of “time poverty” can destroy happiness. People who report feeling regularly short on time, rushed, lacking control, discombobulated, and so on score lower on measures of satisfaction and mental health. On the other hand, a 2017 study found that people who “buy time” rather than buying things are happier. The research shows that a wealth of time is more important to us than a plethora of money and possessions.
Thus, creating a habit of prioritizing more time over more material goods or wealth can be an important contributor to well-being.
Regularly Spend Time in Nature
The richness of nature makes us rich, too. We flourish when we experience the flourishing of the outdoors. A significant 2019 study that looked at data from almost 20,000 participants found that those who spent at least 120 minutes in nature each week were significantly healthier and happier compared with those who spent no time outdoors. This kind of result has been replicated by many similar studies. Across the board, greenery, sunshine, and fresh air improve human happiness.
Perform Acts of Service and Generosity
A great deal of evidence suggests that, counterintuitively, we’re actually happier when we focus less on ourselves. For instance, a 2023 systematic review looking at dozens of studies across various cultures found that spending time and money on other people consistently improves subjective well-being. Research on altruistic behavior, from small acts of kindness to generous donations, reveals to us that we are meant to serve others more than ourselves, and that in doing so we fulfill our purpose and achieve greater happiness.
This is a simple habit to develop that can improve not only our own lives but also the lives of others.
Practice Forgiveness
Dwelling on painful past experiences, rather than bringing relief, can enslave us. Working toward compassion and forgiveness, on the other hand, brings greater interior freedom and thus happiness. One 2011 study, for instance, found that college students who were instructed to think about a past hurt compassionately achieved a lower heart rate and deeper empathy.
Another study from just this year found a strong connection between consistent acts of forgiveness and an increase in psychological well-being.
In other words, make forgiveness a habit. Unforgiveness corrodes the soul, while forgiveness sets it free.
Foster Wonder
Experiences of awe—goosebump-inducing encounters with the majestic, mysterious, and beautiful—make us happier, healthier, and more socially bonded. Such experiences can result from dramatic sights or encounters, but they can also be found within the little orbit of daily life. The night sky, a beautiful piece of music, a rich poem—all of these can inspire awe, and we can make it a habit to seek them out and notice these opportunities when they arise.
Don’t Pursue Happiness—Pursue Meaning
This habit may sound a bit contradictory to the previous ones in the list, but it might be the most important one nonetheless.
The psychologist and concentration camp survivor Viktor Frankl wrote a famous book called “Man’s Search for Meaning,” in which he argued that at the core of our being is a desire for meaning, and that this desire is more powerful and more central to our humanity than our desire for pleasure, comfort, or wealth. This pursuit of meaning can turn even a life of suffering into a fulfilling life.
In the book, he stated: “For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it.”
According to Frankl, then, we should habitually orient ourselves toward seeking meaning, and happiness will follow. Whereas if we aim directly at happiness, we’re likely to fall into egoism and misery as a result.
Happiness is like a piece of fruit that grows on the tree of meaning. If separated from the tree, it will rot and die. But if we find the tree, the fruit will be there, full and healthy.
The paradox of happiness is that, sometimes, we must let go of it in order to find it.
