Family Formation Is the Key to Societal Health

Commentary

In 1905, President Theodore Roosevelt, in a speech before the Mother’s Congress, said: “The welfare of the State depends absolutely upon whether or not the average family, the average man and woman and their children, represent the kind of citizenship fit for the foundation of a great nation; and if we fail to appreciate this we fail to appreciate the root morality upon which all healthy civilization is based.”

More than 120 years later, those words ring especially true as we see marriages, and the family formations that come with them, delayed. The result is an increasingly unhealthy society.

In a recent piece in Touchstone, noted family researcher Brad Wilcox at the Institute for Family Studies, along with Grant Bailey, writes with regard to the current state of marriage, “Young adults have been taught to wait, for a host of reasons: to enjoy their freedom, to travel, to climb the corporate ladder, and to get settled in life before settling down.”

Unfortunately, this has been the cultural mantra over the past 50 years—resulting in the average age of first marriage climbing from the early 20s in 1960 to nearly 30 in 2026. And with later marriages come smaller families—causing all sorts of demographic problems now plaguing our society.

As Wilcox and Bailey point out, those who get married younger are happier, are more socially connected, and have marriages that go the distance—all positive things for not just the individuals involved but also our society, as strong, enduring marriages, in most cases, create secure children, who in turn, become good and productive citizens.

Therefore, a key solution to our fragmented, contentious, and often disillusioned nation rests with returning to putting perceived reservations and wants aside, and making a marital commitment earlier, rather than later, in life.

But sometimes it is not that simple. While countless young single Americans may say on the surface they enjoy the perceived freedom that comes without a commitment to one person, deep down, when you ask them questions that go beyond the superficial, they express their ache for that special relationship with a person they can commit to and connect with for life.

And there are many who are not obsessing about their careers, seeking to travel, or climbing the corporate ladder but deeply yearn for the lifetime relationship but have yet to find it—often for reasons not of their choosing. A good friend of mine, who, along with his wife, ministers to single young adults in their mid-20s to early 30s, can attest to this fact. He also did not marry until he was in his late 30s, even though he strongly desired to be married much earlier in life.

That is why we also need to be sensitive, and not critical, toward those who seek to be married but, for some reason, not of their making, have been unable to find the right person. They are often collateral damage from a society that has come to devalue marriage as they find fewer, and often less emotionally healthy, potential marriage partners.

For instance, for many singles seeking marriage, they find that the institutions—such as families, churches, and community organizations—that provided the opportunity to meet a lifetime spouse have weakened.

That is why it is essential that we seek to strengthen these institutions so they can come alongside singles and provide opportunities and encouragement to get married and form families.

Thus, while we must show the value of marriage, we must not forget that criticism for those remaining single, especially for those not deliberately running from marriage, who are seeking but have not yet found a partner, is pouring salt on a wound that is destructive to them and our society as well.

Too many singles have fled the church or other communities because they felt shame, condemnation, or ostracized for not getting married—especially when that is the deepest desire of their heart and they want to run toward marriage, not away from it.

Strengthened communities equal strengthened opportunities for finding and bonding with partners and getting married sooner, rather than later. In turn, young marriages will create a legacy of strong communities enabling couples, children, and those who come after them to flourish and thrive. Healthy children also result in young adults who are more prepared for marriage and becoming productive members of society earlier in life. It is a win-win-win-win.

As Roosevelt said, the welfare of the state depends on the health of the family. If we fail to appreciate that, we will fail to appreciate the root morality of a healthy civilization. If we want a healthy civilization, let’s create a society that makes younger marriages possible. That will create a new cycle that will help those who desire to be married as well.

Views expressed in this article are the opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Epoch Times.