Most good lives are built quietly—not in any one dramatic moment.
The difference between a successful person—by any measure—and an unsuccessful one comes down to invisible habits that take place in quiet moments, apart from the view of others.
For those of us looking to improve our own lot and live a life filled with meaning, purpose, and abundance, the path is clear: Strengthen the quiet disciplines that lead naturally to thriving.
What are those disciplines, and how do they help us live a good life?
7 Quiet Disciplines for a Good Life
The following disciplines build on one another, so although it may be difficult to imagine yourself as someone who can do all the things I recommend, you only have to imagine a world where you can do one of them well.
From that place, and not a moment sooner, you’ll have what you need to reach the next level and the next. Better to keep your eyes on the path you’re on and the progress you’ve recently made.
1. Do the Small Things–Even When No One Is Watching
When the spotlight is shining on you, it’s easy to summon the motivation to do the right thing. But in the quiet, when it’s only you, can you listen to the quiet voice of your future self inviting you toward a better life? That’s when habits are truly forged.
2. Choose Action Before Motivation Arrives
All too often, I put the motivational cart before the horse. I thought that if only I could put together a foolproof system, I could take care of the motivation problem once and for all. However, my thinking was flawed because motivation does not arise from thought but from action itself. Take action first, and you will feel yourself energized to do more.
3. Shape Your Environment to Reduce Decision Fatigue
In normal circumstances, we have only so much willpower before it gets depleted. Although willpower can ebb and flow across different seasons of our lives, an effective approach is to use that limited resource to shape your environment, and then allow various nudges and points of friction to guide your behavior in the desired direction.
4. Practice Self-Control Before You Need It
Although willpower is relatively fixed at any given point in time, it is like a muscle that can be strengthened over longer periods of intentional use, with adequate recovery. That’s why it’s unwise to wait to use your self-control only when you need it most. By then, your small, flabby muscle may be undersized for the job at hand. Willpower is a skill you want to use regularly in small ways, so that you’re prepared for the big moments when they arise.
5. Build Margin Into Your Life
So much of a good life, in my experience, is simply in avoiding bad outcomes and disasters. If you stay in the game long enough, your skills have time to grow, relationships have time to take root, and you begin to collect wisdom. Unfortunately, because we sometimes live so close to the edge—without margins—even small, unforeseen events can push us over into chaos. Build some cushioning into the different areas of your life so you can pull through to the other side when difficulties inevitably arise.
6. Increase Your Tolerance for Boredom
Boredom has become one of the great enemies of modern life. We’ve done such a good job at eradicating boredom with our fancy gizmos and gadgets that we’ve become hypersensitive to even the slightest degree of the mundane. Our choices are shaped by a desire to avoid boredom, clouding our paths toward deeply meaningful pursuits. You can protect yourself by exposing yourself to boredom in small doses, thereby inoculating yourself against its most devastating effects.
7. Protect Your Energy at All Costs
You can’t do everything you want in life. There is only so much time, and there is certainly a limited amount of energy to go around. One of the great limitations most people feel is in the latter category. If you easily fall into the trap of wasting time, distracting yourself, or procrastinating, then you are likely limited more by energy than time. Thankfully, there are many quiet disciplines, from sleep and diet to exercise and action, that can significantly raise our energy levels.
Don’t think for a moment that a life of quiet discipline has to be boring or restrictive. The very opposite is, in fact, true. A house that is built on these habits is not beholden to the whims and impulses of our natural selves, and one is therefore freer to choose from the multitude of paths that may make up a good life. True freedom is freedom to choose, maneuver, and act with agency in the world around you—and these disciplines will certainly take you there if you build them.