One of my more controversial beliefs is that annoyance is a choice. I think that, with practice, anyone can stop being annoyed by things and live a life of tranquility.
Perhaps you’re wondering about my credibility on this topic—and whether I no longer get annoyed. Unfortunately, I do get annoyed. I get annoyed by my job, the weather, and the behavior of others, among the many frustrations I have with the world.
However, I still believe annoyance is a choice. For one, I get annoyed much less than I used to. If through effort you can reduce irritation from level A to level B, what’s to say you can’t lower it to level C? If you can lower it at all, it demonstrates that annoyance is malleable rather than a biological or psychological reality.
There have been times when I intentionally adopted a mindset that led to virtually no annoyance—at least for a short duration. The reason I didn’t keep it up was primarily that it required effort I didn’t always want to expend. That something is hard to do only suggests tradeoffs are involved, but leaves open the possibility of choosing.
In other words, if someone sufficiently valued not being annoyed, then it would be an achievable goal. At least 80 percent to 90 percent less annoyed than their current baseline would be. That’s a pretty motivating thought. It means you have the agency to choose whether you’re going to let small things ruin your day or take a path toward greater happiness and peace.
How to Feel Less Annoyed
Reducing annoyance isn’t rocket science. It’s more like eyeglasses for your mind, which filter everything you experience through a lens that helps you see reality more clearly. What follows is the prescription that works for me, and I hope it helps you see your own life with fresh eyes.
1. Ask Someone You Admire How They Would Respond
One of the great things about asking others is that it does two things at once. First, it almost instantly gives you the answer to how you yourself should respond. You just have to imagine how an admirable person would act. Second, asking how another person would respond pulls you out of the moment and lets you assess the situation objectively. Most annoyance is a brief emotional response, so anything that invites you to pause greatly reduces its occurrence.
2. Lower Your Expectations of How a Day Should Go
Rationally speaking, we shouldn’t let small things ruin our day. In some ways, the big disasters are easier to adjust to. We immediately see that things have changed and recognize that we need to adapt. However, with the small annoyances, we keep wishing things could just be the way we expected them to be. One way to combat this tendency is to lower your expectations from the start: expect everything to be difficult, to go slowly, or to be confusing. Better to go in ready for the worst and allow reality to surprise you in a positive way.
3. Get Curious
It’s nearly impossible to be curious and annoyed at the same time. Curiosity can actively crowd out annoyance by letting you see the world as interesting rather than cruel. Instead of being bothered by a coworker, try to figure out what is motivating their actions. Use your imagination to ponder what those motivations might be, and how they can help you reach your own goals. With this mindset, nearly anything can be a puzzle to solve or a mystery to unpack.
The effort required to stop letting things annoy you is more like an upfront investment than a lifelong tax. Once you develop the tendency not to let yourself grow frustrated, it becomes your default and is no harder than maintaining any other habit.
Most people realize they have a great deal of control over their level of annoyance, but give up too soon because they think the effort it takes in the beginning is how hard it will always be. My advice is to recognize that hard things don’t stay hard forever.
Annoyance is a choice we each make about how much we’re willing to live with. The key is to realize you have a choice and are not stuck with the cards you’ve been dealt. Until I’ve rid my own life of all agitation, I can’t say for sure whether victory is possible, but I do know the belief serves me well.
Views expressed in this article are the opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Epoch Times. Epoch Health welcomes professional discussion and friendly debate. To submit an opinion piece, please follow these guidelines and submit through our form here.