I’ve talked with a number of people recently who have gotten caught up in fretting about something in their lives—something that is stressing them out and causing them to overthink.
Maybe they’re worried about a stressful situation, or that they’re not doing well enough in life. They get caught up in rumination and stress, and end up spinning in circles.
It’s just fear, I tell them.
Fear that makes us overthink, worry, ruminate, and spin around in circles. Fear that we’re not good enough, we’ll fail, someone will be unhappy with us, we’ll look like idiots—just fear.
I don’t mean to dismiss or invalidate fear—it’s natural—a part of being human. It’s OK to have fear, and it’s a part of doing anything meaningful or difficult.
However, such fear doesn’t have to stop us from moving forward. That’s why I say it’s “just fear.” It’s not significant unless we make it that way.
When we notice the fear, we can also see the stories our fear tells us: I’m not doing well enough, maybe I should be doing what those people are doing, maybe people are going to judge me, maybe I should quit.
We can decide not to take the stories too seriously, after all—they’re just fear.
Noticing the fear and the stories behind it helps me calm my fear.
How to Deal With Fear and Overthinking
My fear also wants me to do something about the scary situation—but often there isn’t much that can be done. I might try to take action, but it’s more likely I’ll either lash out at someone else—or get caught in overthinking. Neither of which is helpful.
My Method to Move Beyond the Fear
- I start with noticing the fear and overthinking.
- I pause—notice and slow my breath.
- I reassure my fear: I got this, I say—no big deal. I can handle the situation, even if I don’t know exactly how it will turn out. I practice trusting myself to handle whatever comes.
- I relax any tensed muscles and continue with the slower breathing.
- I focus on something lovely in this moment. The light in the room, the nature around me, nice company, something to bring curiosity about, something to be grateful for.
Those are some of the ways I practice alleviating fear and quieting overthinking. Keep noticing, breathing, reassuring, relaxing, and focusing on the present moment. In doing these things, you’ll shift from the pointless overthinking into being present in the moment.