Secrets to a Long Marriage: 20 Tips From Couples Married Over Half a Century

Health Viewpoints

In over 31 years of working as an occupational therapist, I’ve had the absolute privilege of working with thousands of patients and their family members. I’ve worked with individuals born in every recent era, including the late 1800s. I was at the beginning of my career; they were near the end of their lives.

Physical rehabilitation can be pretty arduous for patients. Some diagnoses are complex and highly debilitating. Others can be painful, especially during the rehabilitation process. As a professional, I’ve long known that engaging patients in conversation is a great way to get their minds off pain, anxiety, and fears.

Among the conversation points, I’ve always had a couple of questions for those who have been married a long time. It’s a great distraction, and there is much I can learn.

My first question is, “How long have you been married?” Any time I get an answer that’s significantly longer than the time I’ve been married, I follow with, “What do I need to do to make my marriage last as long as yours?”

Here are some of the answers I’ve gotten over the years, all from individuals who have been married for decades and many who have been—or were—married for over half a century:

1. “Become a student of your spouse. When you notice the little things, they feel loved. Know what his favorite cup is, what his happy routines are.” Patient: an insightful post-stroke wife who described her husband in happy terms. Years of marriage: 42.
2. “If you were looking for the best woman you could marry, remember that you married the best woman you could find. Years may pass, and time goes on, but that woman is still in there.” Patient: a Puerto Rican husband with a hip fracture. Years of marriage: 52.
3. “Son, from now on, regardless of what your wife cooks—no matter how good or bad—you eat it. She worked to make it. You work to like it.” Patient: a heavily-accented Italian-American husband, post-myocardial infarction (heart attack). Years of marriage: 68.
4. “If you prayed for that person and believe that God brought that person to you, you need to always remember that. If God felt that this was the best person for you, that’s saying something.” Patient: a loving wife, admitted after a nasty bout of pneumonia. Years of marriage: 38.
5. “Don’t be lookin’ at no young women. Your old gal can’t compare to that, and she doesn’t need to. She’s earned her place in the marriage. You need to keep yours.” Patient: a rural husband recovering from a hip fracture. Years of marriage: 54.
6. “Never neglect your spouse. You know what I mean.” Patient: the cutest, most prim little woman I’ve probably ever worked with, post-motor vehicle accident. Years of marriage: 66.
7. “Make sure you’re actually in love before you get married. Wait until you’re sure. That makes everything so much easier.” Patient: a highly introspective post-COVID husband with extreme deconditioning. Years of marriage: 51.
8. “So many women romance the thought of the wedding. But if you do it right, you’ll romance the thought of the marriage.” Patient: an 88-year-old wife, admitted after a fall and right arm fracture. Years of marriage: 58.
9. “Never go to bed angry. It’s much better to stay up and fight! Seriously, stay up and work it out instead of fighting it out.” Patient: an ornery 78-year-old husband who fell off a ladder cleaning gutters. Years of marriage: 54.
10. “We had to grow up together. If you get married today, you have to be already grown-up.” Patient: a pulmonary disease patient, 82 years old, and still trying to pamper her husband. Years of marriage: 67.
11. “Never say that someone completes you. You have to be a full person to be a good spouse. You’re working on a new marriage, and neither one of you has time to build a person. Don’t put that on them.” Patient: a wife with lumbar compression fractures after being knocked down by her big, friendly dog. Years of marriage: 61.
12. “Just don’t kill him in his sleep, even when you want to.” Patient: a cheeky, chain-smoking wife, hospitalized after a bad medication reaction. Years of marriage: 62.
13. “Just pray like [heck], and flowers when she’s mad.” Patient: an old catbird of a man, still absolutely loaded with charisma. Years of marriage: 66.
14. “Men are great at doing many things, but they can’t read minds. I tell all my lady friends and family members: You owe it to your husband to communicate with him frankly. Men don’t like intrigue from wives.” Patient: a sweet, lovable little wife with a perfectly made house. Years of marriage: 54.
15. “Learn what your spouse’s love language is. If you’re a gift bringer and they’re a quality-time craver, both of you will be frustrated. Once you know your spouse’s love language, you can become fluent with their heart.” Patient: the sweetest retired pastor, who I could talk to for hours if I had had enough time. Years of marriage: 65.
16. “Never cuss at each other. You might be mad, but never cuss at each other. Work it out respectfully. That’s the person you married.” Patient: a sweetheart of a woman working on recovering from her second hip fracture. Years of marriage: 43.
17. “Marriage is a commitment, not a lifestyle accessory. Never get married unless you know what it takes to stay married. Too many people like the idea of marriage but not the actual work, and then they just bail out for no good reason.” Patient: an initially rather formal, previously highly successful man living in an expensive high-rise with his wife, who eventually warmed up to me. Years of marriage: 57.
18. “Ask yourself if you like being married to an old man or woman. That pretty face or those youthful muscles and perfect hair won’t last. Is that person someone you’d want to be married to when the blush of youth is gone? The important things are the things that will still be there when that person next to you gets old.” Patient: a brilliant husband with a doctorate in engineering and two master’s degrees. Years of marriage: 53.
19. “You just gotta do the best you can. But no more for me. I was married for 70 years. I’ve done enough babysitting!” Patient: a tiny 98-year-old grandmother who weighed less than 100 pounds and an amazingly energetic widow. Years of marriage: 70.
20. “Well, if she’s running toward you with her arms open wide, figure that’s a hug and run toward her. But if she’s running toward you and she’s carrying a frying pan, figure that’s not a hug and run in the other direction.” Patient: a stocky fireplug of a man with a tremendous belly laugh and gleeful eyes. Years of marriage: 66.

Although these quotes were from specific individuals, I’ve been surprised at how consistent the answers have been from thousands of couples. Marriages can take a lot of work to maintain, but the formula for success has long been understood, and in the end, a great, long-lasting marriage can be one of the most beautiful things on Earth.

Views expressed in this article are the opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Epoch Times. Epoch Health welcomes professional discussion and friendly debate. To submit an opinion piece, please follow these guidelines and submit through our form here.