The last message sat there, delivered and read. Days passed, then weeks. For Justine Ramos, it wasn’t heartbreak exactly. It was the specific, disorienting pain of a connection with a best friend that simply stopped, with no explanation and no ending.
“It was one of the most confusing and hurtful things I’ve experienced,” Ramos told The Epoch Times. “I kept thinking I must’ve done something wrong. I replayed every conversation in my head, trying to figure out where things shifted. It messes with you more than you’d expect because you’re not just grieving the person, you’re grieving the version of the relationship you thought you had.”
What Ramos experienced has a name, and increasingly, a body of research behind it.
Ghosting, another term for ostracism or ending a relationship by simply going silent, has become a hallmark of modern social life, extending well beyond dating into friendships and even family. In a world where constant connection is the norm, disappearing can feel easier than having an uncomfortable conversation.
However, new research suggests that silence may come at a cost.
What Research Shows
A 2025 study published in Computers in Human Behavior compared three scenarios: being ghosted, being directly rejected, or having a normal interaction. Participants aged 18 to 35 chatted to a person involved in the study for 15 minutes a day over six days about a variety of topics, including sports, TV shows, future life plans, romantic life, music, and travel.
The participants were then asked to fill out short daily surveys about how they felt. On the fourth day, the interaction either ended suddenly with no explanation (ghosting), ended with a clear rejection, or continued as usual.
Both ghosting and direct rejection triggered negative emotions such as confusion, feelings of exclusion, and threatened self-esteem—but people who were directly rejected tended to recover more quickly.
When someone is rejected directly, even if it stings, the brain is able to process the experience as complete—there’s a clear cause, Scott Wetzler, a professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, told The Epoch Times. The brain can process it, file it, and begin to move on.
Ghosting, however, disrupts that process. Instead of a clear ending, it leaves the brain looking for one.
“When someone is ghosted, it leaves them in a state of uncertainty, whereas a clear-cut rejection is more definitive,” he said. “Since people tend to let their hopes influence their better judgment, the ghosted party might continue to dream about the off-chance that the ghosting party might resurface or eventually show interest. They might hold onto unrealistic hopes.”
That uncertainty feeds rumination. Wetzler describes ghosting as a form of passive-aggressive behavior that deliberately withholds the one thing people need most after a relationship rupture: an answer.
“When you’re ghosted, you might ask yourself questions like ‘Why did this happen?’, ‘Why won’t they talk to me?’, or ‘What did I do?’—which prolongs the distress,” Mark Leary, Garonzik Professor Emeritus of Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke University, told The Epoch Times. Over time, those unanswered questions can shift from curiosity into self-doubt.
“Ghosting conveys that the rejected person isn’t (and perhaps never was) important or valued enough to deserve an explanation or to be treated politely,” he said.
A 2024 study added another layer: while ghosters and ghostees used similar overall levels of positive and negative language to describe their experiences, the emotions behind their words differed meaningfully. Ghosters often expressed a mix of guilt and relief, suggesting an internal conflict between avoiding discomfort and recognizing the impact of their actions. In contrast, ghostees more often described something simpler and starker: sadness and hurt.
Eileen Kennedy-Moore, a clinical psychologist, sees a pattern in her practice. “We replay events and conversations looking for clues,” she told The Epoch Times. “The uncertainty is painful, so we urgently want to ask, or explain, or prove something.”
That can show up as rereading old messages, second-guessing small details, or interpreting silence as hidden meaning.
Part of what makes those feelings so intense may come down to how the brain processes rejection.
Research suggests that social rejection activates some of the same neural pathways involved in physical pain, meaning the experience can register as more than just emotional pain—engaging the brain’s alarm system in ways that make it feel immediate and difficult to ignore.
Romantic relationships are strongly connected to brain chemicals such as dopamine—which makes you feel pleasure and reward—and oxytocin—which helps you feel bonded and close to someone. When a relationship suddenly ends without explanation, that system gets thrown off.
In fact, research shows that love and addiction involve overlapping brain systems, especially the parts responsible for reward, which helps explain why the loss can feel so intense.
How Technology Makes Ghosting More Painful
An estimated 20 percent to 40 percent of the general population has experienced ghosting either as a ghostee, a ghoster, or both, and our increased access to technology might also play a role.
Social media and messaging apps make it easier than ever to cut off communication instantly, often without the social accountability that comes with face-to-face interaction. When conversations happen behind screens, people may feel less obligated to offer closure or explanations, and avoiding discomfort becomes as simple as not replying.
“On social media, we can receive negative, rejecting feedback from thousands of people. Our brain isn’t designed to handle that much negative feedback,” Leary said.
In the past, only a small circle of people, such as family and close friends, shaped how we saw ourselves. Today, however, social media has expanded that circle dramatically. As a result, we often feel hurt by strangers we will never meet, and who have little real impact on our lives, Leary said.
Social media also blurs the line between private and public rejection. When interactions or breakups unfold online, they can leave visible traces—photos, comments, or relationship-status changes—intensifying the experience of being ghosted.
How to Move Forward
Experts agree that closure may never come, and searching for it will most likely prolong the pain.
For Ramos, after her mind naturally filled in the blanks, replaying every message and searching for a reason that never came, it led to a difficult realization. “Over time, I’ve gotten to a place where I’ve accepted that closure doesn’t always come from the other person. Sometimes you have to create it for yourself, even if it feels unfinished.”
Although closure wasn’t an option for Ramos, she chose to accept the situation as it had nothing to do with her.
“That made it easier to accept the situation and move forward, knowing it wasn’t something I needed in my life,” she said.
Her experience highlights what’s often missing in ghosting: clarity.
For people who are doing the rejecting, clear and respectful communication matters more than avoiding discomfort in the moment. Instead of disappearing or sending mixed signals, offering a brief, honest explanation helps preserve the other person’s dignity and reduces unnecessary confusion.
Leary suggests reframing the experience: Rejection, whether direct or indirect, generally reflects compatibility and social fit more than personal worth.
“The key is to convey that, although you are rejecting someone, you don’t necessarily dislike, hate, or totally devalue them,” Leary said—advice aimed as much at those doing the ghosting as those receiving it.
For Kennedy-Moore, a useful shift is attention itself, redirecting it away from the person who disappeared and toward those who haven’t.
“The right person will be eager to be with you,” she said. “They’ll value you. Someone who won’t even respond to a text doesn’t make that cut. Don’t settle for crumbs. It’s also important to spend time with people who do love and value you.”